I am safe, I am free, I am loved
August 9, 2009
For the past few weeks I’ve had a lot of emotional waves to deal with. I call them waves because they are not highs and lows or ups and downs, as we like to call them. I am grateful to the Universe, to my Source, to God, if you will, that my emotions don’t swing to those extremes anymore. Most of the time, I feel really good, really good. But I have surfed a few waves lately and it started me to thinking (dangerous for most of us), about what was going on inside of me that was causing all these unexpected events that caught me off guard.
I have a circle of great spiritual support in my life, my cousin and best friend Mo, my friend Kay in LA and all of my family from The Indigo Room, which is a community that came together through a desire to deliberately create our own reality. I try my best to keep in touch with this circle daily, in some way. This is why social media means so much to me, because I know what it can do. Twitter and Facebook make it possible for me to connect with like-minded individuals, which keeps my spiritual vibrations where I desire them to be.
My life is an open book. I don’t tell everything, but I do share a lot. It doesn’t bother me to tell my story. I realize that sharing my story is a part of my personal purpose. Exposure is not for everyone. But it comes naturally to me.
I talked about the waves of emotion, my fears, my concerns,and my doubts, recently to my friends Mo and Kay and they both inspired me through their individual words. Mo always confirms, that no matter how I may feel in a moment, that I am blessed. I know a lot of people use those words, but she says them with conviction and power. I was sharing with Kay my concerns about never having enough money. I asked her to share some of her insight with me about why I was having these fears. Out of nowhere or of course from somewhere inside, she touched upon the fact that I had mentioned this before. She said she felt that my fears came from the fact that I don’t feel safe. She realized that my issues were not just about money, but about the feeling that I was wanting to receive from having enough money. I want to feel safe. I want to feel that I am in safe hands, wrapped in safe arms, that nothing of importance can be taken away from me.
I meditated all evening and through the night on what Kay had said about my desire to feel safe. And I received so much clarity. I began to realize that I had never felt safe in all my life. I began to see that so many of my actions and reactions were because I didn’t feel protected. My mother was amazing. I can’t say that enough. She was love, but I was a little girl whose father and stepfather were not capable of providing such safety, such love that makes a girl feel that nothing in the world can touch her.
I then attempted to marry so that I could feel safe. But safety was not found there either. And so if not in those men, then where does my safety lie? And that answer would be, that it lies in me. My safety lies in the Eternal Me, the Goddess Me, the Divine Me. Everything we feel that we are lacking, we mistakenly look to other people and things to provide. How unfair to those people.
I am complete. I just need to remind myself. I just need to remember. I am safe. I am free. I am loved.
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